Rethinking Narcissism: Can Understanding Lead to Healing?

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When we hear the word “narcissist,” it often brings to mind painful memories or relationships marked by manipulation, control, or emotional neglect. In popular culture, narcissism has become a shorthand for someone toxic, abusive, or incapable of love. But what if the story is more complicated than that?

A recent article in Slate, “Narcissists Aren’t Really So Bad. Just Ask These Narcissists,” highlights a growing group of individuals who have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and are working to challenge common misconceptions. People like Lee Hammock and Jacob Skidmore are sharing their experiences online, revealing a side of narcissism that is less about malice and more about deep insecurity, loneliness, and emotional pain.

At Oak Creek Relational Counseling Center, we see every personality style—even those that can be challenging in relationships—as rooted in unmet emotional needs. Narcissistic traits often develop as a defense mechanism, protecting individuals from feelings of shame, vulnerability, or unworthiness. While those defenses can create hurtful patterns in relationships, understanding what’s underneath can open the door to healing.

Therapy offers a safe space to unpack these patterns, both for those who live with NPD and for those impacted by it. Self-awareness, as Hammock and Skidmore have found, is the first step toward change. With support, narcissistic behaviors can be managed, and empathy—though inconsistent—can grow.

​If you are struggling with the pain of a relationship with a narcissistic partner or family member, or you want to better understand your own patterns, therapy can help. At Oak Creek, we believe that healing starts with compassion—for yourself and for others.

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